Checking her out

To be delivered with fast, snappy dialogue.


A boyfriend and girlfriend are walking arm in arm from one side of the stage to the other. Another girl walks from the opposite side of the stage. The Boyfriend stares at her as she goes past.


Girlfriend: What are you doing?

Boyfriend: What are you talking about? Of course I wasn’t checking her out!

G: Yes, you were checking her out.

B: Who?

G: That woman.

B: You mean the hot one who just walked past?

G: Yes.

B: Didn’t see her.

G: You were checking her out.

B: No I wasn’t.

G: Yes, you were. Don’t lie to me!

B: You’re just paranoid!

G: I ought to give you a good slap.

B: You’re gonna slap me?

G: Yes.

B: In the face?

G: In the face. 

B: Right here?

G: Right there.

B: … I’d like to see you do it.


G slaps B.


B: Ow!

G: You walked into that one.

B: Yeah, I did.

G: I think I’m gonna slap you every time you lie to me.

B: Every time?

G: Every time.

B: And if I’m telling the truth, do I get to slap you back?

G: No.

B: Well, what’s in it for me, then?

G: nothing!

B: … I don’t think it’s a good idea.

G: Too bad. It’s happening.

B: Fine. And if I’m telling the truth…

G: You don’t get a slap.

B: Oh, good.


They keep walking. Another woman comes across in the opposite direction. B visible checks her out again.


G: Were you checking her out?

B: Yes!


G slaps B.


B: But that was the truth!