Ecological Restoration

Lights up.

Group of people are sitting around a table. Adelle is clearly in charge, has an English accent, and stars people down and the like. Bea has two plastic model trees, rather “enthusiastic”. Colin is a bit bogany. Daz is a hippy type.

Adelle: Okay, so, we've been approved $50,000 funding for the ecosystem restoration project. Now, I don't want another public embarrassment like that business with the vacuum cleaners and the Pine-O-Cleen. With that in mind, does anyone have any ideas as to how we should proceed?

Bea: We could plant some trees! (Waves around model trees)


Adel: Does anyone have any decent ideas?

Colin: Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea.

Adelle: We're restoring the Great Barrier Reef!

Colin: (Considering) Point.

Adelle: So, does anyone have any decent applicable ideas?

Daz: We could campaign to get people to stop wasting water, everyone knows the need to shower is an urban myth.

Adelle: It's the ocean, we're not about to run out, the fish aren't going to be resorting to dirt baths any time soon.

Bea: What about some trees?! (Waves around model trees)

Adelle: (Deadpan, pulling out a thick folder and pointing viciously at charts. She talks quickly, in a monotone, as if she has said it many times) No. I propose that we focus on trying to encourage some of the lost species of coral back into the reef, some recent research suggests that the crown of thorns starfish is causing overpredation, and it's removal has a positive impact upon reef diversity. I believe we should focus on this. Opinions?

(A pause; Adelle looks around expectantly, tapping her foot)

Colin: Sooo, we'd get to kill things?

Adelle: Yes- (-but that's hardly the reason we're doing this)

Colin: (Interrupting) I'm in.

Adelle: Ugh, fine.

Bea: (Overly enthusiastic) I still think we just need some trees! (Waves around trees.)

Adelle ignores Bea. Bea slumps dejectedly, putting the trees down in front of her, she folds her arms on the table, resting her head on her hands. She doesn't take her eyes off the trees

Adelle: Are there any objections to focusing on the starfish removal?

Daz: I don't think we should be murdering innocent creatures, it's not the starfishes' fault, y'know?

Adelle: Then what do you propose?

Daz: I think we should go after the people who introduced them.

Adelle: They're native! Would you like to take it up with God? Or Darwin, how about Darwin?!

Daz shrinks back. There is a pause. Bea reaches out, head still down low, and “walks” the trees towards Adelle, she leaves them there, returning to her previous position. There is another pause. Without looking, Adelle suddenly lashes out and backhands them off the table, totally expressionless.

Needs a punchline.

Possible punchline #1:

Adelle: If this is the world's best conservation team, I think it's time I considered that job with the uranium mine/prepared a eulogy for the common goldfish/sold off my shares in the wildlife park. [I couldn't decide what to put]