First Contact

ALIENS come to earth.
MAN 1: Hello, and welcome to Earth.
ALIEN 1: It's great to be here.
MAN 2: We've never had an alien here before, this is kind of a big moment for us.
ALIEN 2: Really?
MAN 2: Yeah, some of us were even beginning to doubt there was life outside of our galaxy. (glare at MAN 1)
ALIEN 2: Didn't you see it when you were flying by?
MAN 1:
We've never actually been outside our galaxy.
ALIEN 2: What? Why not?
MAN 1: We're more interested in the big questions.
ALIEN 1: Like what?
MAN 1: Like how the universe began.
ALIEN 1: How did the universe begin?
MAN 1: Uhm, well, there was nothing, then there was something.
ALIEN 1: What caused that?
MAN 1: Something happened.
ALIEN 1: Why was that?
MAN 2: Well, something was bound to happen.
ALIEN 2: Wow. So you don't have any spaceships?
MAN 2: We have a couple, but they cost a lot of money to make.
ALIEN 1: What's money?
MAN 1: It's paper and metal that we use to get things.
ALIEN 1: What kind of things?
MAN 1: Mostly paper or metal…
MAN 2: (to ALIEN 2) Are you going to probe me?
ALIEN 2: What's that?
MAN 2:
It's where you stick a thing up my -
ALIEN 2: Whoa! Why would we do that!?
MAN 2: Well, to find out information
ALIEN 1: Is that how you find out things?
MAN 1: No, we usually cut open your guts and peak inside.
MAN 1: Well how do you get information?
ALIEN 2: We… we ask...
ALIEN 1: So how'd you find us anyway?
MAN 1: We picked up your signals through SETI.
ALIEN 2: Our signals?
MAN 2: Yeah, like .. phone calls.
ALIEN 2: You were listening to our phone calls?
MAN 1: No, we just .. checked them.. to see you were real, so we could point our telescope at you.
ALIEN 2: You've .. you've been watching us?
MAN 1: Yes, we just wanted to observe.
ALIEN 2: That's really weird.
MAN 1: No it isn't. We just... we need to know.
ALIEN 1: You're not right mate.

ALIENS go to leave.
MAN 2: No, wait, please don't go. Do you... do you want to take a ride in the basket part of my bicycle?
ALIEN 2: What!?
MAN 2: It'll be fun! You can put a little blanket over your head and everything. (ALIENS walk away) Aw come on! Alien! (Pause) I'll let you probe me!