Generic Adventure

This song could possibly follow a scene like the following. This could either be as a flashback to indy's past (in which case just change "intrepid adventurer" to indy) or be as written:

Enter Intrepid Adventurer (IA)Comedic Sidekick (CS), Love Interest (LI), and Disposable Sidekick (DS). They run in, obviously running away from something, and they stop in the middle of the stage, looking back at the way they came. Love Interest looks behind her, and screams.

IA: What is it, screaming Love Interest?
LI: They're behind us, brave Intrepid Adventurer!
CS: That's what she said! (or other really bad lame joke... i just can't think of one right now)
IA: Lude Comedic Sidekick, this is NOT the time!
DS: Where did they all come from?
IA: If I had to guess, Inquisitive Disposable Sidekick, I would say that Evil Villain set off the Incredibly Bad Device that makes Generic Minions come after us!

Zombies begin to file onto stage from both sides, VERY slowly.

LI: You mean Zombies...
IA: That's what I said - Generic Minions!
LI: No you didn't, I distinctly heard...
CS: Guys, can we talk about this some other time when we aren't about to become zombie-nip?
IA: You're right, Comic Sidekick. We must form a plan!

LI swoons
LI: Oh, you're so brave, Intrepid Adventurer!
DS: We could fight our way out!
IA: We'd surely be killed, Disposable Sidekick! No, I shall stay behind, and guard your safe passage through the Appearing Doorway (doorway appears behind them) behind us.
DS: Sounds like a brilliant plan, Intrepid Adventurer!

IA just stares at DS for a while, as DS opens the door and herds the others through. DS is about to step through when...

IA: Disposable Sidekick...
DS: Yes, Intrepid Adventurer?
IA: Do you remember, a few minutes ago, when I offered to stay behind to die while you all stayed?
DS: Yes I do, Intrepid Adventurer.
IA: Do you remember what you said?
DS: I believe I said that your plan was brilliant, Intrepid Adventurer.
IA: And...
DS: didn't thank me for the compliment?


IA: What I'm trying to say is, Disposable Sidekick, are you sure that there isn't something else you'd like to say instead of that?
DS: ...I'm not sure I get your meaning, Intrepid Adventurer. Was I supposed to say something?
At this point, the Zombies have reached the two. IA fends them off easily and without looking at them while talking...
IA: I was thinking something like "No, Intrepid Adventurer! Let me take your place!".
DS: Why, is that the sort of thing I'm likely to say?


IA: Oh, for fuck's sake! (throws some zombies out of the way) I offer to save all your lives and sacrifice myself to make myself look brave and make Blonde Love Interest fall in love with me. You take my place and get a noble death scene. I 
find the Evil Villain in his Villainous Lair and destroy him. Is it really that hard?
DS: I suppose when you put it that way...

DS takes some time to think, while IA continues fighting.

IA: Well...?
DS: So, what you're saying is...
IA: Are you that thick? Look, take this (gives DS his sword) and this (gives DS an amulet) for good luck, so that you can give it back to me when we meet again. (suddenly snaps back into character) So long, Disposable Sidekick, and good luck! We shall all see you soon!

IA leaves, leaving DS on his own. The Zombies approach, and the song starts...