Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc is sitting alone on stage - God is a voice over.  Joan has a French  accent.

God: Joan.. joooaan.. Joan .. I want you to free your land from the English
Joan: What? uh, okay.. can't you do it?
God: 'course I can. I can do anything. 
If I say something it's done. Have you seen light?
Joan: Well, yeah. So, why don't you do it?
God: Sunday, it's my day off.

Joan: Okay then.. um .. hmm.. Free my land from the English, easier said than done -
God: Not for me!
Joan: - sigh, fine. Uh, is there anything else i need to know?
God: Hmm.. do you own any non-flammable clothes?
Joan: Not really, I'm just a poor peasant.. do I need them?
God: uhh... nah
Joan: Seriously, why do you think I need them?
God: Oh, you'll see...
Joan: Can you tell me?
God: I'll give you a hint ... just don't play with matches.
Joan: What?
God: General safety advice, don't run with scissors, don't chew with your mouth open.  Always wait half an hour after eating before swimming, Noah taught me that one.
Joan: (Sarcastic) If you want something done right, do it yourself?
God: Hey good one!  I'll remember that for next time.
Lights down