(Death stands towards the middle of the stage, in front of a big signpost reading Hell(pointing left) and Heaven(pointing right), in robe with scythe and clipboard)

(lights up on juliet where God stands, possibly with a very long beard to protect modesty, maybe different prop)

God: (in insanely deep voice) Umm Death

Death: yes God

G: You remember that chat we had yesterday

D: (hesitantly) Yeah...

G: When I told you you’re not death anymore. You still look like Death to me

D: Please can I have one more chance

G: You know the rule of three; you’re going to have to return your uniform

(Death takes off robe)

D: What about the scythe?

G: I’ll need that back too

(D places scythe on ground, now left nude with only the clipboard)

D: What about the clipboard?

G: Oh ok, I guess you can keep that, might come in handy for your new job.

(lights dim(down?) on juliet)

(Gary enters, depending on how big the syringe is could use that as a prop, otherwise a snake)

D: Ah Gary, good to see you again

Gary: Thanks again for all your help, it was a close call back there

D: Don’t mention it. (checks clipboard) Ah heaven, right this way (ushers Gary to heaven) Have a nice death!

(not sure if characters should stay on stage or exit opposite side)

(Corpse, from chatting death, enters. Looks traumatised. Holding program from arts revue)

C: Is it over, please tell me it’s over

D: Don’t worry buddy, it’s over now, you’re safe. What’s your name?

C: [name]

(D checks clipboard)

D: Oh

C: What is it?

D: Well you’re down on my list as going to hell

C: Not again!

(other characters)

At the end

(Katy enters with a bowl of soup)

K: Hi again

(D glances at clipboard surprised)

D: Katy Wilson?

K: Yep

D: You drank the soup?

(K shrugs)

K: I love soup.

 

Possible characters to be in the middle

·         Mavis with a spoon (comically oversized so as to actually cover stuff)

·         Mr Tomkinson-Smyth with a kidney (line about it was rejected)

·         One of the zombie proof couple with a cutout of a velociraptor

·         Artist with painting (Death looks at painting, shakes his head:“I don’t even want to ask” points to hell)

·         One of the survivors with chunk of iceberg (“They’re fighting back!”)

·         Soldier, post-orcs

·         Bob or Jane (D: Really, Slutface? Straight to hell for that)

·         Main character enters from opposite side (“Could you point me back to earth?“, “You’re leaving heaven?” “It was just a near death experience, have to be back in time for the final scene”)