Reality Check

Scott is standing Centre Stage. Robert enters.


S: Dude! There you are!

R: Hey, sorry I’m late. You’ll never guess what’s just happened to me.

S: What’s up?

R: Well, you know I was in that production of Angels in America?

S: Yeah. I saw it, it was awesome.

R: Yeah. And I played a gay man struggling to come to terms with his partner’s illness?

S: Yeah.

R: Well, I’ve just been talking to my dad. And, well, he saw me playing a gay guy, and he actually asked me if I was gay.

S: You mean you’re not?

R: No, I’m not.

S: And your partner isn’t actually dying?

R: No.

S: And you can’t actually talk to angels?

R: … no.

S: … You bastard!

R: What?

S: I thought it was real! I cried! You mean you were lying?

R: Wha-

S: (Interrupting) No, I don't want to hear it, this needs Batman.  I’m calling Christian Bale.

R: Christian Bale isn't Batman, he's an actor.

S: Of course he is!

R: No, you idiot, Batman’s a character!

S: This is crap! Everyone knows that Christian Bale is actually Batman, 

R: No, he’s not! Look, you’ve seen Terminator right? Christian Bale was John Conner, not Batman!

S: That's just Batman's secret identity! Its in the future. It's his FUTURE secret identity.

R: But there’s no such thing as Batman, not really!

S: I’ve had enough of this. I’m calling Christian.

R: You won’t get an answer.

S: Oh, we’ll see about that! (Talks on the phone.) Hello? Christian!

R: (Picks up the phone. Absurdly deep Batman voiceover) Yeah?

S: I’ve got a sneaky little conniving bacterial scumbag here, who says there’s no such thing as Batman.

R: Bastard! I’m onto it.

S: (Hangs up.) You’re in for it now, you are!

R: Yeah, whatever.

S: You just can’t face the facts, can you? You know what you’re problem is, mate? You just can’t tell when something’s real and when it’s not. (suddenly, BATMAN arrives (nananananananananananananana) 

Batman: I'm Batman!

and tackles Robert to the ground)