FATHER: Audrey...

 

As you know, I'm on the committee for the sun god festival and, um, the, the, the topic of the sacrifice came up, and as you know it has always been my goal in life to be the father of the sacrificial virgin.

 

Um, so and the, the high priest owes me a favour, so I turned to him and I said, you know my daughter? My beautiful, chaste, virgin daughter? Um, yeah, I'd love for her to be the sacrifice for the festival, that would be a great honour. And he laughed at me! Why would he laugh at me, Audrey? Why would he laugh?

 

And then a guy in the other room heard us laughing, came in and asked about it...  and he started laughing! And then, and then Ted from Accounting came up... and he started laughing! And then I was walking down the street, the word must have spread because everyone was laughing at me, Audrey! Why was everyone laughing at me?

 

And then I fell asleep, and I had a vision about the Sun God. And the Sun God was laughing at me, Audrey!

 

Could you, could you do anything to explain this, Audrey? As you know, it has been my great wish, my one goal, to have my virginal daughter sacrificed at the sun festival! I'm begging you, Audrey, my pure, innocent, virginal daughter, is there anything you can say to explain why everybody was laughing at me?

 

AUDREY: Um, dad? (Steps out.) I'm a dude.