Theme Sketch 1 (post-camp)


NARRATOR: 65 million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth.

Dinosaurs in the quad, goes to shot of the earth.

NARRATOR: They were the first creatures in history to try… science.


NARRATOR: It didn’t go so well.

Opening Titles

NARRATOR: Now, 65 Million Years later, will man make the same mistake?


Lights up, with SCIENTISTS, MALCOLM and LISA standing next to the PLOT device.

MALCOLM: I think this is a mistake.

ANN: I respectfully disagree

Ann pulls lever to halfway.

MALCOLM: Not to be rude or anything, but has anyone here considered that this may be the biggest mistake anyone has ever made in the history of everything ever?



MALCOLM: Well, this may be the biggest mistake anyone has ever made in the history of everything (pause) ever!


LISA: Oh, honestly Malcolm! This experiment is going ahead.

MALCOLM: (to Lisa) It doesn’t have to, you know.

LISA: Well I’m only the research assistant – I’m not qualified to have opinions. Let’s just get on with it.

Ladies, gentlemen and engineers! (Scientists turn to pay attention)

Welcome to Ingenious labs. Our host today needs no introduction; considered to be one of the greatest theoretical physicists since the last great theoretical physicist, renowned for her research into the applications of blazed reflection gratings to the analysis of the gubernaculums… And (reluctantly, Ann prompts her) three times winner of The New Scientist Most shaggable quantum theorist of the year award, Professor Ann Bitious!

ANN steps forward to general applause from the scientists.

ANN: Thank you! Thank you! Welcome everyone! I’m sure you all know why we’re all here

MALCOLM: Yes, and it’s a bad idea.

SCIENTIST: Who is this?

LISA: Malcolm Tent, he’s the mathematician.

MALCOLM: And I think that this experiment is going to kill us all.

SCIENTIST 1: (from the back of the crowd) What exactly are we doing again?

ANN: Very well then, as no one else is willing to explain…

LISA: I could.

ANN: shh. Basically, ladies and gentlemen, everything in the universe is made up of fundamental particles called Quarks. These quarks are acted upon by forces of nature and bind together to create all matter and energy.


LISA: You know Lego?


LISA: Like that.

ANN: I’m sorry, Quarks are nothing like Lego. They are elementary particles that form the nucleons which in turn form atoms, which form all matter!

LISA: So, basically, they’re little things that click together to make bigger things?

ANN: Exactly.

LISA: Yeah! Like Lego!

ANN: Oh, shut up. Now, Scientists have been theorizing about Quarks for several years, but we have never actually been able to see them, because Quarks are very difficult to isolate, until now – I have invented the Photonic Linear Oscillation Transmission device.

LISA: otherwise known as the P.L.O.T. device.

ANN: Yes, ladies and gentlemen and engineers and geologists, today we will prove that everything in the universe is made up of the same fundamental … piece of lego.


MALCOLM: And that’s it is it? All in the name of discovery? When I ran the process through mathematical equations, I discovered that if you pump enough energy into a quark, you’ll create a completely different kind of particle.

LISA: What kind?

MALCOLM: One that hasn’t been seen since the big bang. The quark that had a pivotal role in the creation of the universe! A quark with a hell of a lot of energy, more than you realize or can possibly control.

ANN: That’s the idea! With that much energy we can solve the world’s problems! The energy crisis, the economic crisis, Kevin Rudd’s terrible combover!

MALCOLM: You’re just out to make money! And win a Nobel prize at the expense of the world. Don’t you realize the inherent danger in messing with the fundamental forces of nature?

ANN: If people like you made all the decisions we would never have said to ourselves “Look! A stick! I could hit someone with that!” Honestly man, where’s your spunk?

MALCOLM:  Spunk doesn’t come into it! I’m more interested in NOT destroying the world.

ANN: We’re on the threshold of the greatest scientific discovery in human history, and you’re worried about destroying the world? Get your priorities in order!

Opening Song

ANN pulls the lever.

Lights down.