initial theme outline 25.4.09

Jurassic Quark Outline


  1. Scientists plan to isolate a quark-

What’s their motivation? Everything else has been discovered? Who knows what it could do? Cure cancer? Philosopher’s stone? Because we can? Someone being sarcastic- “Run a theme park?” “Shut up.”

Scientists use a machine to create Jurassic Quark.

Should the quark be able to talk? If so, have a sarcastic sense of humour. Could just be a silent character- really cute to the audience, but everyone -scientists- finds it scary.

Quark needs to be isolated until we determine its properties.

Scientists- aren’t we great? Let’s sing a song!


  1. A group come to see the facility.

Tour guide (possibly one of the scientists) gives explanation of what the Quark is, why is has to be isolated, etc. See other experiments eg: 4D tictactoe.

Someone (Scientist or random?) gets turned into quark while conducting experiments on it or giving it food. Everyone: “ohno! He’s been turned into a quark.” Intended to be a Lockdown, but a dumb blond guy accidentally pushes the red button instead of the blue one, and the power gets shut down. When the lights have come back on, the quark has escaped. DUM DUM DUM!!! Establish that the quark(s) are loose in the facility.


  1. Spreading and a regrouping of an intrepid band of survivors

We’re all that’s left. Friends have been turned into quarks. Panicky person- oh my god, we’re all gonna die. One person- I’ll be much safer in the lavatory. Goes into a port-a-loo, but there’s already a quark in there, and he gets turned into a quark. Establish that if you have deedlyboppers, you are a quark.


Don’t worry we’ll be okay, as long as the quarks can’t open the door. A quark opens the door, dumb blond guy gets left behind and turned into a quark.


Exposition- quarks could take over the world, by converting people. Quarks not supposed to be isolated, supposed to be in large groups, therefore they will turn the entire human race into quarks.


After they’ve left, revelation that one guy is a quark. Clever guy says I know you’re a quark because your hat is too far above your head (there are deedlyboppers under it).


Spotlight idea- different groups in different sections, they back on to each other and scare each other.


Quarks come on, sing end of act one- quark/atom dance, led by the Jurassic Quark.


  1. Intrepid band of survivors get into another room and lock the door. They find an archived fossil video tape where the scientists got the idea of how to isolate quarks from.

Dinosaurs with Dorothy the Dinosaur hats, act and move like dinosaurs but speak in really posh English accents or else Aussie bogan accents.

Not on video, on a different part of the stage or Juliets.

These dinosaurs get a giant magnet and use it to draw an asteroid in to destroy the quark. Hang on, won’t it destroy us too? … nah.


  1. Last sketch: Solution.

How to solve: Antiquark will combine with quark, stop the quark! Go back to the machine, and reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, ie. put the batteries in the other way round to create an antiquark.

Created the antiquark. While they’re doing this, the quarks are closing in. Quark meets antiquark, fall in love (?) create a new universe, leads to closing number



Lead Characters

Malcolm Tent - is against isolating the quark


Main Scientist - Ann Bitious = John Hammond and Ellie Hybrid

Motivation –

Quirk – afraid of the dark? Ulterior motive – secret deal with BHP, who want to patent the only perpetual source of energy

Relation to Malcolm?


Random lines“And the lights will never go out ever again! *evil laugh*”


Kerry Seen - Research Assistant (lap dog)

- gives Main Scientist more power

- finds love with the lap dog who is abandoned when the VIP dies


Third Scientist

Quirk - Gnome theorist – needs to explain it in conversation, possibly to random VIP



Sensible Girl- because Chloe says there aren’t enough girl parts

Stupid Blond Guy who screws up

Lawyer who gets turned into a quark on the toilet.

 Company VIP/Lawyer

-         comes with lap dog

 Lap Dog

- gets left alone when the VIP gets bumped off


Jurassic Quark- Not remotely scary, maybe even cute, but the scientists are terrified of him/her. Does it talk? Character gets a voice; audience starts to relate to him/her. Jurassic Quark is lonely.





1. When the quark has been created, but hasn’t yet emerged, have the band play threatening music. “Uh-oh, I don’t like the sound of that scary music.”

At first the machine doesn’t work. “Hang on, it’s not plugged in!”

“I’m sorry Dennis, I can’t hear you! You’re too fat!”


2. “This is… Four-Dimensional Tictactoe. It’s one of our top secret experiments. Unfortunately, because it’s in four dimensions, there’s always a path to creating three in a row, so whoever goes first always wins. But we’re working on that!” “Good to see you’re doing such vital work.” The tictactoe could be played on the surface of the net of a tesseract.



Lavatory joke:

I’m hiding in the lavatory.

The lavatory?
Yeah, it’ll be much safer in here! (Goes in, but there’s a quark in there)

Oh! Look at your head!

Why is my wig not on straight?

No! You’ve got deedlyboppers! You’re a quark!


Guy who pretends not to be a quark but Dennis knows he is. After they’ve all gone off: “You see, what you people don’t realise is that I’m actually a quark!” Dennis, coming back on: “I know! I know that already!”


A quark with quirks.

Jurassic Quark sings a song about how the universe was made; end of the first half.


4. We’ve found this video tape in a fossil dating back to the Cretaceous Period.

The Cretaceous Period? You mean 65 Million Years ago?

Yeah, so it’s not very good quality picture or sound. But hey, its VHS.


Stupid blond guy: Step One! We get a dragon! Step two… (Dennis does the awkward turtle) … what do you think of it so far?

Scientist: Go back to the bit about the dragon.

Stupid blond guy: That’s not my responsibility! You’re the scientists!


We’ll be okay as long as quarks haven’t figured out how to open doors. On the other side of the door, a quark comes along, tries the handle, and can’t open it. “That’s a tricky one!” Another quark comes along, gives first quark a dry look, then just steps through the door. Refs quantum tunnelling, also the fact that there’s actually no door there.


Ah! A quark! It got through the door!

I wasn’t expecting that to happen at all!

Don’t worry! There’s another door! I never enter a room with just one door.  

Why not?

Well, the Feng Shui is terrible! Run!


5. Are you sure this is going to work?

No. Not at all. In fact the odds are one million, three hundred and fifty-five thousand, two hundred and eighty one to one against. Roughly. But… it might just work.



Opening Intro idea:


65 Million years ago, Dinosaurs ruled the earth. Shots of dinosaurs in the quad, pan out to show whole earth. They were the first creatures to try science. Shot of meteorite hitting the earth. It didn’t go so well. Cracks open up in earth’s surface, spell Jurassic Quark. Zoom in to show volcanic landscape with opening credits. Eventually, focus in on a volcano, which fades to a conical flask being held by a guy in a lab. The guy pours some liquid into a test tube. Focus in on liquid- go down to atomic level with ball-and-stick diagrams of molecules, then focus in and go down to sub atomic and quarks.