Potential Theme Sketch - 02 - Outbreak

Smoke clears from the P.L.O.T Device.  All gather around.

Anne: It's beautiful!
Aaron: It's unfathomable!
Dave: It's .. certainly significant
Billy: It's empty!
Aaron: Are you sure?
Billy: There's nothing in it.
Anne: Look closer - quarks are very small.
Jonathan: (at the window) There's nothing there -
Dave: Jonathan, you're looking out the window.
Jonathan: I know, there's nothing there.
(They all gather)
Anne: It's .. empty
Jonathan: Is the window on?
Dave: Windows can't be turned on or off Jonathan.
Aaron: Maybe it's broken
Billy: Dad, where is everything?
Jonathan: I could've sworn I left existence right here
Dave: The universe .. it's gone
Aaron: This is bad. This is really bad. I have a lot of unfinished business in the universe. I left my dog in the universe! Who's going to take care of him?
Anne: Wait - if the universe is gone why are we still here?
Dave: Simple, I actually built this facility just west of the universe.
Anne: What? That doesn't make any sense. You must be crazy.
Dave: That's what they said when I built it - but it looks like I had the last laugh.
QUARK enters whistling the Inspector Gadget theme. The scientists seem confused by its entrance. It starts turning dials on the machines - messing with experiments etc.
Anne: Stop touching that!
Quark: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! hah! haha!
Dave: Who are you?
Quark: I'm yo momma. Oooh burn. Hah. I'm so random.
Billy: Dad, who is that?
Dave: Well Billy, he appears to be what we in the world of science refer to as .. a wanker
Quark walks up to Aaron, places a finger on his chest
Quark: Got a stain
Aaron looks down, Quark runs a finger up flicking him in the nose
Quark: Hah. Gotcha. What does this do? (messes with another experiment)
Anne: Don't touch that!
Dave: Do you know what happened to the outside world?
(Quark points to himself)
Dave: Yes, you. Do you know what happened to the world?
Quark: Ate it.
Jonathan: What?
Quark: I ate it.
Aaron: How could you eat the universe?
Quark: What? Your name wasn't on it. Bam. You got told.
Anne: This isn't possible! You can't eat the universe. It's too big.
Quark: That's what she said!
Dave: Okay - where the hell did you come from?
Quark: Machine.
Dave: What?
Quark: The machine.
Jonathan: You came from the P.L.O.T device?
Quark: Derr.
Dave: Are you .. are you the quark?
Quark: That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Anne: You can't be the quark! Quarks can't talk. Quarks aren't 6 feet tall. Why won't anyone listen to me! This is science!
Quark: If you love science so much why don't you marry it?
Anne: I would if I could.
Billy: Dad, where is our universe?
Dave: Well, he ate it - so I guess
Jonathan: It's inside him
Quark: Just like yo momma!
Jonathan: (confused) What?
Quark: Aw yeah. I went there. (Raises hand for high five .. no one reacts. Runs hand through hair) Too slow.
Jonathan: I just .. I don't even ..
Quark: Alright squares, I'm just gonna go chill. Catch you losers on the flip side - Ooh what does this do? (Knocks over a beaker, Anne dives for it - it breaks.)
Anne: (Stands, looks at broken beaker) .. we have to kill him.
Dave: To get our universe back?
Anne: Oh, yeah. Sure. That'd work too.